


How to Say Goodbye

by PixeledAerion



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Break Up, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 01:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8777302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixeledAerion/pseuds/PixeledAerion
Summary: When I was younger I distinctly remember my mother saying “Cuando te toca ni que te quites, y cuando no ni que lo busques”, she used it mostly to refer inevitability or death, I never understood what it mean. Until now.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is very sad, I know, I’m sorry, I’m just facing a very hard moment.   
> I'm so full of doubts, that I have to try and get them out of my system.  
> So I just decided to do the only thing I could in a moment like this: Write.  
> Please forgive me for any feels.

It’s funny (or really, really sad) how you work so hard to try and bury something deep in your mind and a phrase from a fucking T.V show can get it to the surface like a fucking zombie hand on a Halloween movie.

\----

When I was younger I distinctly remember my mother saying “ _Cuando te toca ni que te quites, y cuando no ni que lo busques_ ”, she used it mostly to refer to the inevitability of things or death, however, I never understood what it mean because it was in a language I didn’t knew at a time.

Later, when she got sick I asked her the meaning of that, she said it was a phrase a Colombian coworker told her once and that it meant something like “ _When It’s time for something to happen to you, you cannot avoid it, and when it's not, even if you force it, nothing will come of it_ ”.

\----

Shorly after that she died.

Peter haven’t been home in a week.

And 20 years after that, I'm sitting here on the couch finally grasping what she meant with that.

\----

If I must admit it, Peter and I weren’t the wealthiest couple on earth, but I was pretty sure that many couples used to face economic hardships from time to time. But the thing is, money is running low while bills are running high. I even decided to take more writing jobs to help Peter while he got back on his feet doing projects on his own.

Clearly it isn’t being enough, and as time passes he is getting bitter and colder. The only interaction we have is while eating, something we are now doing in silence and in very absent minded way. Sex, Netflix and even cuddling are things we hadn’t done in months.

We have grown distant and I am getting sadder each day while our 5 year anniversary is getting closer and closer. I never wanted to marry or to start a family, but when I started with Peter something in me changed and suddenly I did wanted that.

\----

Back to the present, I was watching _The Big Bang Theory_ and the episode ended in a way I didn’t expect: Amy breaking up with Sheldon. The reason Sheldon called her was to ask her to marry him. But instead he ended up getting dumped; and while I never identified myself with Sheldon, I did find myself sharing that feeling with him.

By the time the credits rolled I realized I was crying and that voice I used to ignore screamed in full force what I have been denying myself this whole time: Peter wasn’t the one.

He never wanted to get married or have kids, and after 5 years all the love have gone out the window. For 5 years I fooled myself thinking I could change him, or what was worse: that I could change myself to adapt to him.

And it wasn't going to happen, I knew what I wanted to achieve with Peter, but my mother saying was right: No matter how hard I force it, it wasn’t going to happen.

After all that happened with Derek something inside me broke, and I was left with this tiny spark of hope enough to try one more.

Clearly I wasted my chance.

I don’t have the strength to face another separation process.

I prefer to ran away as far as I can in the most cowardly way; I took what savings I had, wrote a letter to Peter, took all of my belongings and decided not to look back.

\------------------------------

I was so tired with all the shit back at home, that I traveled to visit my niece Cora in the hopes of clearing my head. And as expected It didn’t work.

I kept trying to communicate with Stiles, but there was this feeling inside me preventing me to do it, I’m a coward, I know; but in the end the days passed and I didn't contact him.

It took me a whole week to decide that I was going to try and work things out with Stiles, but when I got home I immediately noticed that something was off. My instincts kicked and I ran upstairs and tried searching for Stiles, but he wasn't home and his things weren’t anywhere to be found.

After a lot of searching I finally saw what looked like a letter pinned to the fridge with a magnet. I poured myself a glass of whisky, and after a while decided to read it.

\------------------------------

_Peter,_

_When I started being your boyfriend I thought I was so happy I could die. I will always remember the good times I spent with you. You know I hate to be the one to give bad news, but I have to say it: We aren’t happy anymore._

_I spent 5 years with you hoping that someday you’ll change your mind, that you were going to propose in the cheesiest way possible, that we were going to be the happiest family with lots of kids._

_But that was my dream, not yours. You never wanted any of that and I fooled myself thinking that eventually you would. I loved you with all I had (And God knows it’s true) but clearly I couldn’t love you hard enough to keep us from growing apart._

_If this were a movie, I would expect you to come find me and profess your undying love while asking me to be together forever. But we both know this isn’t going to happen. So please leave me alone, don’t try to contact me and please don’t make this harder for any of us._

_You have to find a new love that doesn’t try to change you,_

_A new love that doesn’t expect from you more that you could give,_

_A new love that will be happy with just being with you and nothing more,_

_A new love that doesn’t pressure you into doing anything,_

_A new love that clearly isn’t me._

_This reminds me of an old song that said:_

When you go, would you have the guts to say

"I don't love you like I loved you yesterday"

 

Please Forgive Me,

Stiles Stilinski

\------------------------------

 

_I did horrible things in the past, and after a while I gave up trying to find someone to spend my life with._

_But everything changed when Stiles and I started dating. He was the only thing keeping me from falling into the darkness. He was my light._

_I felt so guilty when I noticed how Stiles was overworking himself to try and support my career that I started drowning myself in a never-ending pool of guilt._

_He was the only person I really cared for in my entire life, and knowing how I screwed him up I cannot live with myself anymore._

_The darkness is here again, and I cannot take it anymore._

_I´m Sorry Stiles._

**Author's Note:**

> If you want follow my on tumblr http://theblueeyesofaerion.tumblr.com/ or IG @siraerion


End file.
